Last week several events culminated in me feeling extremely angry. I was committed to sitting with my anger, giving it all my mental capacity - and it didn't even last 4 minutes.
Last week a number of events culminated in me feeling extremely angry. This is my story and learning. I hope you can take the wisdom from my struggle so you can flourish in your own life.
After reading the last message from my business partner, I felt this rush come over my body. It started from my legs and traveled upwards to my head. As it rose in me, I started sweating, my heart rate increased, and my thoughts clouded. I was angry.
Part of me wanted to slam my fist into the table, another to pick up the phone to make calls. Anger is a bad feeling, and I wanted to get rid of it. But instead of doing any of that, I decided just to be angry and really commit to it.
Next to me, a small hourglass was standing, measuring 4 minutes. I flipped it and watched the sand flow. Now I felt really stupid. Besides being angry, I was now wasting my time looking at the sand grains trickle down. I needed to fix things, stupid things, for stupid people, including the dumbest person in the room – myself.
Suddenly as I sat there in anger, a new struggle began. It is hard to commit to being angry. But you know what? I did my best to stay angry because I felt justified and had a damn good reason. So I sat there boiling for some time.
But I was just not strong enough, and on the next out-breath, I looked out the window and was suddenly smiling. I’m really bad at being angry when I fully commit to it. I looked back at the hourglass; it was half full.
The moral of my story is that the life span of feelings is very short when you commit to feeling them. I learned this practice from Dr. Sam Harris (check out the Waking Up app).
The practice is simple: When you feel a strong emotion, such as anger or envy, takes hold of you. Don’t label it as bad or as something that is not right to feel. Instead, try to commit to it without reaction and distraction. Meditate on it for a set time, like 4 minutes.
So my question to you is: “What emotions do you refuse to sit with?”
The next time you feel a strong emotion arise that you want to avoid, instead sit with it. If you can sit in true anger for more than 3 minutes, I believe you could be a master meditator. But my bet is that you won’t last 2 minutes.
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